Staring at the abyss

I know how dangerous it can be, but when you love the taste of danger, staring at the abyss can only make you urge for the jump.

And jumping on you was such a rush!

I never actually imagined I would be this insane, I used to have everything under control, being so rational all the time. And then there was you...

How was I supposed to explain to my heart it was not a good idea to try to kill ourselves? I mean, that mountain was really high, but we had to do it anyways, right?

Thriller junkies that we were!

And when I finally realized I was so madly in love with you, there was no turning back.

I drowned into your ocean.

I consumed myself into the depths of your darkness.

I made you my happy place.

It took me a while to get used to living without the light, but I gotta confess I have never been happier.

Staring at your abyss changed me in ways I don't think I will ever be able to describe.

Even though I crashed and burned on my fall, you made me whole again. You gave me hope on things I thought I was never going to be worthy of.

Your darkness was my salvation, the beacon that showed me the path of greater things which may yet come to pass. Things I had already given up, feelings I was afraid go face, to feel.

Your abyss gave me strength to keep walking. To keep moving, even though my fears were trying to eat me alive.

I would never regret the day I decided to jump on you, that was the day I started to rebuilt.

All the precious moments we spend together

It's such a rush to be with you,
you're an amazing guy.
Sometimes I don't know what to do,
and still I don't know why.
I love our little things
and they always make me think:
- The more I try to deny,
the more in love am I!
I wanna ask you to stay forever
but I'm afraid you would say you'd never.
When we are not together I miss you!
When you're around I wanna hold you and kiss you.
Even though doing that is forbiden,
and a betrayal like that unforgiven.
I do my best not to lose control,
but inside my heart there is this big hole.
Emptiness, emptiness, emptiness.
That could only be filled with happiness
and massive quantities of love.
Because loving you is where I find peace.
And as I always say;
I'm not going anywhere away from you, Sunshine.

[13/12/2013]

It's time to LIVE!

Focusing on what is good for me, letting the past be the past.
I feel so happy I'm not blindfolded anymore.
Now I can see that for being happy I don't need many things. I just need:
good books, good music, good TV series and of course, the best companies there is in this world.
I have so many things to be grateful for, I really wanna thanks the Gods for all the blessing I've been receiving at this point of my life.
And for all my beloved ones, I just wanna thank you guys for all the support you have been giving me.
I love you all really much.
Thanks for all the little and big things you guys have been doing for me, consciously or not.
My happiness is written with all of your names.

Don't fall in love with me 'cause I'm a heartbreaker!

Before this goes any further, I've gotta tell you:

- Don't fall in love with me!
I'm a criminal!
I'm gonna steal your heart and throw it in the trashcan.
'Cause that's what I do best!

So if you're thinking of conquering me, stop right there!
I'm a thief, I'm no good!

That Must Be Love

... and we kissed under the cherry blossom, that must mean something.
For me, it was more than special.
It was amazing!
Something I'm gonna take with me forever, that I'll treasure in my heart and in my most sweet memories.
You have no idea how much I want US to be true, to be together.
I love you.
I don't know how I'm gonna tell you that yet, but someday I might. And I feel this day is very close.
You're amazing!
To be with you is awesome.
And I love all the moments we spend together, all the little and stupid talks we have.
You're funny, sweet and I love your jokes!
Most of all, I love the sound of your voice and your laugh :)
That is pure love. ♥

Sweetie

Sweetie,
You're my sunshine.
Everything I ever wanted in my life.
You're an amazing person!
You're so beautiful inside, so cute.
You have a wonderful soul.
You're so calm and peaceful that, believe it or not, you end up transmiting this peace you have on yourself to the others, and that's awesome.
I like you very much and I miss you like crazy.
I wish we could be friends forever.
I guess I never told you that, but you are teaching me how to be a better person. Your calm songs are helping me to relax and sleep better.
Thanks for all the unconscious things you've been doing for me. One day I'll be able to explain and pay you back.
You're a wonderful friend.

To Be In Love With You

Oh, those green eyes!
They speak to me!
Am I in love with them?
Better not be!

A day without seeing your smile is a lost day.

Miss you already and it's been just a few days.

I don't wanna be with you just because you're cute. 
I guess I'm in love with your personality or something!
You're an amazing person!

The more time I spend with you the more I know that I'm not in love with your beautiful green eyes. I'm in love with every little thing about you!

You're so sweet, and I think that’s absolutely attractive!

Peter

How was I to imagine, on that Summer day, under that soft breeze, I would meet somebody so special.
Someone who would live in my thoughts.
And so much time has gone by and my feelings do not change. My heart trembles, I'm suddenly nervous, it's difficult to breathe every time you're around.
So many things happened and you seem to have decided to stay, finally.
I feel so happy!
My Peter! My Love!
Finally with me. Even though we have so many obstacles to win.
All the differences to get used to.
I love you so much. The same way I have loved you that late afternoon. The first time I saw you. So handsome. So shy.
And the sound of your voice made me want you to whisper sweet things on my ear on a special evening. Oh that accent. So, so sweet. So enchanting.
I loved you from the beginning, I will never be able to change that.
You're that kind of thought which puts a smile on my face. 
It's amazing to feel that way.
I want to live by your side forever.
I know we have a long way to go.
But I also know it is you that I want Peter.

Unexpected

I was never to imagine you were about to happen in my life.
Unexpected like a raindrop on a sunny day, you were there to find me on the crowd.
It is so nice to have you back, to have you around.
You can't imagine and I gotta confess that never could I suspect I would be so happy to get the chance to know you better,
These little and special moments we are living every day are so awesome that sometimes I am afraid of being so pessimistic and expecting something wrong to happen.
I know we never lost contact at all but the way things are now make me wonder why it didn't start before.
I am so glad we are getting along so well.
And what I can say by now is that I am enjoying a lot being closer to you and unexpected as this relationship is now, someday it might go well.
I am looking forward living this day and be as happy as I can be.

Why won't you save me?

I don't wanna hurt you, I never wanted to. 
But the same way I don't wanna get you upset, I don't wanna get upset myself.
It's hard to be apart from you, it's hard to make an attempt to work things out.
It's hard not to think about you, it's hard to get over everything.
I miss you! I do miss you and that causes me pain, that makes me unhappy.
And on my very mad and sad moments I wish you could realize that we belong together and that I would never be happy again without you.
I wish it couldn't be so painful, so I wouldn't feel so bad. But every time I try to reach you, it seems like you were a star, and I would never be able to get you, no matter how hard I try.
I don't want to be alone, but I don't wanna be with anybody else but you.
Why won't you save me from myself?

I don't wanna be out there by myself!

It's warm in here.
And I feel safer than ever.
I don't wanna get out to where the wind is cold and the sun doesn't shine.
Out there I am nobody!
But here I can be on my own, think about my problems, deal with them or at least try to work out a solution.
Out there I have no where to go!
While here I can close to window and be in the dark, thinking about the old times or just looking at the ceiling and trying to see my hand.
Out there, there is nothing!
And here I can be myself, I can scream, I can cry, I can hit the wall, I can dream, I can go crazy, I can miss you, I can learn lessons, I can deal with things that I don't find ways of solving when I'm out.
So I'm telling you, little fellas:
- I don't wanna be out there by myself!

I hope you understand!

I know I have to get away from you but it's not as easy as everybody thinks it is.
Every time the phone rings I think it's you on the other side telling me that you've made a huge mistake, that you were confused and you want me back.
And when I wake up from these dreams I realize that you are not there for me anymore and that life has to go on.
The problem is:
- I don't see a way of living my life without you around and that's killing me.
I don't want you to run away from me every time I try to walk towards you, I want you to talk to me and listen to what I have to say, no matter if it is about you or not.
I deadly know we're not a couple anymore and that you have no reason to be there for me when I want you to. The fact is that I don't know any other way of dealing with this mess if you're not there to help me.
I'm totally aware that it is difficult for you to understand it, but I still need you, no matter what it is gonna cost.
I love you and I'm sure I don't want to feel that way forever but I can't help it now.
I'm sorry for all the things I have done to call your attention.
I'll be fine one day but don't ask me to behave well now because I just can't.

Falling Down

It is cold in here, and it is nobody's fault than mine.
I have left behind all the joy I have ever had in my life.
There is no way out of this situation and I can only blame myself.
All this love that I feel for you is gonna become something else one day. I know you're wondering when but I'm not able to tell you that now.
I would love to do things differently but that's the way I deal with everything.
I have no words to say how I feel now. It hurts me so bad that I can't even breathe.
The farther you go, the closer I wanna be.
I don't wanna live my life without you but even doing so I don't wanna cry no more.
I will always be here for you.
I love you more than I have ever done before.
And this ocean between us is nothing, and I'm not afraid of falling down.

I Won't Let This Build Up Inside of Me!

I know it is hate!

There is no other name for that.

It is so strong, that I can feel it in my blood.

It is the other half of me.

The part I refuse to be.

There is not a way to change it. But, even though I say I want to change, that's what makes me feel better.

I wish I could control it, but hate is a child that cannot be in prison. It is a bird that flies all over the world, going on and on, following the call of the spirit.

I know it is poisoning.

It eats me by the inside and tries to control myself.

It is so cruel that I have no strength to fight it.

I wish I could destroy it and set my soul free. But, even though I try, my power is not enough.

I know it is painful.

It kills me everyday.

It is beautiful and confuses my mind. And even though I claim for an Angel to save me, Heaven only sends me my own Demons.

But here, I tell you something:

- I won't let this build up inside of me!

My vermilion.

My passion.

My temptation.

My otherside.

Scarecrows Like Me

I've been a loser in the game of love for such a long time, that sometimes it seems like there's a shadow covering all the light that remains to enlighten the path.

I really wish to know what love is like, to find someone I could contemplate and adore, someone to call mine.

But I feel like if I were locked inside a tower and that there is no one to rescue me.

My dreams are all broken.

I can only see tragedy around me.

I feel the smell of fear and despair, and I don't want to give in, but it is like I have no strength to go on.

The time has come for me to fly away, but my soul is already part of the tower I'm locked in.

There is no Angel to wait for my prays.

And I wonder why I had let my Fallen Angel disappear.

He was the only one to care for my prays and even though I needed him so much, I had let him go.

There are million of voices now, echoing inside my head, they have answers to the questions I don't ask, they are devil spirits I've got to contain, although I confess I cannot.

I believed it was all divine, and even doing so, I watched the world began to die.

There is no salvation anymore, the sacrifice of The Lamb, The Chosen One, does not mean a thing.

And now, that there is nothing more to care about, I tell you, Fallen Angel:

- I surrender, I will leave the tower and go away with the army of Scarecrows, like me.

They know I'm a stranger, and that I'm danger, but they do respect me and love me their way.

I Don't Wanna Fight No More!

There are such strong feelings inside my head and inside my heart.

At the same time I wanna kill you, you're the one I'm giving my life for.

Why on earth, life has to be this way?

Why do I have to feel things the way I do?

Why do I have to think about it all?

I just wanted to have a little bit of peace.

I don't wanna fight no more!

[12/02/2011]

All I want from you

Lock me inside your heart 

And throw the key out of the window

Keep me warm

Take care of me everyday

Don't let me go crazy

Stay by my side and hold me tight.

Lock me inside your heart 

And throw the key out of the window

Be my Angel

Never let me fall

Hold my hand

And walk by my side.

Lock me inside your heart 

And throw the key out of the window

Stay beside my bed

Through the dark nights

Hold my hand

And wipe my tears away

Sing me a lullaby

Watch me while I sleep.

Lock me inside your heart

And throw the key out of the window

Spend all your time with me

Make yourself at home when you drop by.

Lock me inside your heart

And throw the key out of the window

Never say goodbye.

[13/05/2011]

This Isn't Goodbye

This isn't goodbye, definetely not.

I can't imagine a way of living my life without you around.

All the joy and happiness I have ever felt in life was because once I've met you.

You're my perfect match, my soulmate.

I know we've got to live apart from each other for a while but it doesn't and I think it would never mean it is over.

It doesn't matter what is going to happen in the future.

I just want to make sure that I will never say goodbye.

And everything we've been through just showed me how strong we are.

No matter what is going to happen, no matter how difficult it is going to be, I know you're always be there for me as I'll be there for you.

I love you, I hope you never forget that.

I wish it could have been different!

A year can change a lot of things in a person's life.
People who are important for you can die, your best friend can move to another city, you can find out that your profession is not what you've always dreamt about for a living or realize that you've been in love with the wrong guy.
A year has passed in my life since the last time things were "perfect" (in a sense) and now I am a way more confused than I was before.
I know that my definition of "perfection" is different from the common sense (and I'm so thankful for that) and also that happiness for me is something completely strange for the ones who do not know me at all.
And although I cannot make them understand me, I still refuse to let go what I think is important for me, not what they do so.
It gives me the chills and also some headache but this is the way I deal with things.
What I'm asking for is just a little respect. I'm completely aware of my necessity of taking some time to solve my own conflicts.
I'm not lying to anybody when I say it is over and that I overcame what happened between us.
Although I still have that lovely brightness in the eyes when you're around, it is just because of the memories of our amazing past.
There are different ways of feeling LOVE, and the one I feel now is not that one between man and woman.
I've been under some pressure to get away from you; however this is not what my heart tells me to do. And although I don't have a heart anymore (I've got a liver), what remained from that piece of me can still influence on my decisions and whenever I'm in doubt, it is him the one to give some light.
It really pisses me off when people don't get the real meaning of my words, of the way I've been acting.
I'm just trying not to hurt myself even more than I already am hurt.
I don't have another way of protecting myself from things around me.
My liver (my heart) is bleeding! And I just wanted it to stop!
I remember saying once:
- Life sucks, love is a nightmare and I cannot wake up from this terrible dream.
By this time that's the only truth I'm able to believe.
I wish it could have been different and this year that passed could had given me more than only wonderful memories of the good moments.
This sadness in my face is just the reflection of what I feel inside.
I'm sorry I can't cope with that. It is nobody's fault than mine, than the person I am inside, than my refusal, than my beliefs. The ones I keep to myself.
I'm gonna be alright someday, I just cannot be perfect now, so don't expect me to behave well.
My jealousy is nothing but a way to get some attention.
And my hate, a way to convince myself I'm okay.

It's Only You! II

I know you have said no once, that I’m probably not your number, that you’re more interested in studying than going on dates. But I do want you, for God’s sake I want you with everything that I am, with all my passion, my desire, my heart, my soul.
I know that I was not supposed to want you so bad, but my heart is yours. I never thought that somebody could make me feel this way, that somebody could take Diego out of my mind, but I can’t compare you both. What you have woken up inside of me is much more intense, alive and present in myself. I know the time I’ve spent with him is unforgettable but what I wanna live by your side inspires me, enchants me like magic.
I took so long to realize that I’m in love with you; I refused to accept that Diego was no longer the first one in my life anymore.
You’ve changed my life and I love you every time that I feel the breeze touching me, every time I see the beauty of Nature on the birds singing. Come to me, I need you.
I can’t live without you by my side. Stay with me, this is all I’m asking for.
Give me a chance to prove you that I can make you happy.
Don’t get hidden of me. Just the other can complete us and I wanna be the other half of you.
I love you. I want you with my ingenuity, I wait for you with my anxiety and I desire you with all my passion.
Don’t make me seek in someone else what I have found on you.

[06/10/10]


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